


i like my sugar with coffee and cream

by Dresupi



Series: Ficlet Collections [15]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 6 Sentence Fiction, Alternate Universe, Drabble Collection, F/M, Humor, Light Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prompt Fic, Slice of Life, Smut, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:52:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 7,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Collection of short prompt ficlets I've taken on tumblr.Ratings will vary by chapter.I've marked explicit shorts with an '*'.The first chapter is the table of contents.





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [georgiagirlagain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiagirlagain/gifts), [Holieshka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holieshka/gifts), [Queenspuppet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenspuppet/gifts).



1\.  Table of Contents

2\.  '[Fajitas' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406175)

3\.  "[Best cookies ever!" for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406199)

4\.  '[Musician AU' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406211)

5\.   ***** '[Touch, Clench, Swear' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406232)

6\.  "[Dinner's cold again"; 'Getting stood up' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406259)

7\.  '[Stuck on an elevator' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406292)

8\.  '[Pirate AU' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406316)

9\.  '[Tricks' for holieshka](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406346)

10\.   ***** '[Good sex deserves to be loud'; Face down a** up, c*** inside'; 'Scream louder and I'll f*** harder' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406394)

11\.  '[Lust' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406403)

12\.  '[This time it's bound to work' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21406424)

13.  ***** '[First time together' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21704759)

14\.   ***** '[Orally Satiated' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/21742382)

15\.  '[Babyfic' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/22718645)

16\.  '[Bodyswap' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/22718669)

17\.  '[I Get a Kick Out of You' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/23525943)

18\.   ***** '[Dirty Talk; Striptease' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/24314223)

19\.  '[Psychopath' for queenspuppet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25406346)

20\.  '[Tiptoe Thru the Tulips' for Upisdre](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25406412)

21\.  '[Centerfold' for anon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25406445)

22\.  '[We've Got It Goin' On' for anon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25406469)

23\.  '[What Is Love' for anon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25406508)

24\.  '[Banana Pancakes' for anon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25406574)

25\.   ***** '[Orally satiated; Part 2' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25864542)

26\.  '[Stuck in the Elevator; Part 2' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25864605)

27\.  '[Fajitas' Part 2' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/25864644)

28\.  '[Met in a corn maze AU' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/26446383)

29\.  '[Toasted Marshmallows' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/27554466)

30\.  '[Toasted Marshmallows ii' for holieshka](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/27554493)

31.  '[Bed sharing' for georgiagirlagain](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/31208124)

32.  '[Quick, hide behind the sofa!' for georgiagirlagain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/32331258)

33.  '[Bed sharing' for georgiagirlagain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461783/chapters/34224620)


	2. 'Fajitas' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 9 July 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/147166328814/deadpooldarcy-fajitas).

“We are NOT getting tacos again,” Darcy insisted, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the food truck.  “We live in New York, there is any number of cuisines to choose from.  No tacos.”  

Wade sighed.  “You know I don’t like change.”  

She made a face.  “It’s time to expand your horizons.  And your palate.  C’mon.  It’s my treat.”  

“Well in that case…” he tugged her in the direction of a sit-down place a few blocks away.  

And as the waiter placed the sizzling skillets of meat and veggies in front of them, Darcy sighed.  “You know fajitas are just fancy tacos, right?”  


	3. "Best cookies ever!" for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 3 September 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/149909709119/deadpooldarcy-best-cookies-ever).

“Please don’t eat them all, I made them for work…”  Darcy said, carefully pulling the plate away from Wade.  

“Those jerks don’t deserve these…or you, if I’m being honest…” Wade retorted, reaching over to grab another handful of the tiny cookies from the plate.  “I, however, changed your flat tire.  Because I’m a good boyfriend.”

Darcy sighed.  “I don’t have a car, Wade.”  

“Well, then…I changed some stranger’s flat tire, then.  And am a good Samaritan.  So, I doubly deserve cookies.”


	4. 'Musician AU' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally postedon 14 August 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/148958142404/deadpooldarcy-musician-au).

“Whatcha playin’ tonight, Darce?”  Wade asked, resting his head on his hands on top of the speaker beside the stage.  

The coffee shop was actually packed tonight.  Darcy’s heart was thumping in her chest as she tuned up her guitar.  

“Eh…I was gonna do some original stuff, but…” she glanced around nervously.  “Might just stick to the covers.”  

“Your original stuff is the balls.”  

“Is that a good thing?” she asked with a nervous laugh.    

“Oh yeah. Totes.”

“Totes…” she repeated.

“Break a leg, Kid.  I’mma go grab my seat so no one steals it. Fuckin’ n00bs,” he spat disdainfully to all the newcomers.  

Darcy took a deep breath and swallowed her courage.  “Wade?”

“Hmm?” He stopped and turned to face her again.

“Wanna…I dunno…get a drink later?  If you’re not busy?”  

He grinned.  “I’d love to.”  


	5. *'Touch; Clench; Swear' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 29 September 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/151110479164/darcywade-2-7-10).

“Fuck…”  Wade blurted, his hands clenching the sheets.  “Sorry…” he muttered immediately.  

“Don’t be sorry…” Darcy said with a grin as she twisted her hand on the upstroke, pumping his cock slowly.

“Fuck…” he repeated.  “Fuck me, that feels good…Darce…” His hips moved up towards her hand, bucking up in time with it.  “Please…please let me…”  

“I will, don’t worry…”

_Are you kidding me?  That was more than six sentences anyway, can I PLEASE have my happy ending?_ _You are the meanest fanfiction writer in the world, you know that? Don’t give this any notes, readers.  DON’T._


	6. "Dinner's getting cold again"; 'Getting stood up' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 8 October 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/151546477954/darcywade-17-20).

Darcy really tried to understand where Wade was coming from.  But honestly, after the tenth time of being stood up on a date…it was starting to sting.  

And she’d even cooked dinner and everything.  

He at least showed up. Even if he was three hours late. And she was asleep, her head on the table while the lasagna got all cold and gross.  

He kissed her cheek, and ate the cold lasagna without complaining.  

It still sucked, though. But this was what is was like…dating a merc.


	7. 'Stuck on an elevator' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 15 October 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/151846554229/darcywade-10).

The elevator shuddered as it ground to a halt, throwing both of its occupants off balance.  

“What the actual…” Darcy looked up as the lights flickered.  “Oh my god, really?”  

“Right?  It’s almost like a bad fanfiction or something…” Wade muttered under his breath, reaching up to scratch his head.  

“Can you fix it?” she asked, looking up at him hopefully.  “Or at least pry the door open?”  

“Sweetheart, I admire your faith in me.  But I’m no Tony Stark.  Or Steve Rogers.”  

“Oh…” she visibly deflated.

“Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”  


	8. 'Pirates AU' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 21 October 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/152142765079/darcywade-pirates-au).

“Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate’s life for me…”  

“Stop that…” Darcy frowned at the stowaway that had turned up on her ship, who was currently hanging out over the ocean from a rope.

“Shiver me timbers! Thar she BLOWS!”  Wade pointed out over the vast expanse of nothingness.  

“WILSON.  Enough.  Or it’s back to the galley.”

“Awwww, Captain Darcy…please don’t send me back below deck.  “I’ll be a good cabin boy, I promise.”  

She rolled her eyes.  “You’re not a cabin boy.  You’re a stowaway.  And stowaways generally work in the galley.”

“But I’m special.  You just can’t keep away from me…” he waggled his eyebrows.  

“When you’re right, you’re right.  If I left you alone, the others would make ya walk the plank.”  

“Nah.  I’m pretty sure you’re in love with me.”  


	9. 'Tricks' for holieshka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 29 October 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/152477341099/darcywade-tricks).

“This isn’t funny anymore, Darcy!” Wade called down the darkened hallway.  “Look…I said I was sorry, okay?”  

_Oh, you know damn well this is funny.  This is hilarious and deserved._

_-Yeah, yeah…shut your mouth, Jiminy Cricket.  This whole having a conscience thing is overrated…_

He approached the bedroom door unscathed.  Darcy hadn’t jumped out from behind anything.  She hadn’t reached out to grab his ankle from the floor.  No high-pitched screaming had happened.  

He turned the knob, thinking that maybe she’d possibly given up on getting him back for all his pranks.

And then you know…the bucket of oatmeal flopped over on his head.  Followed by Darcy’s laughter that was muffled by all the FUCKING OATMEAL. 

He stood there for a moment, cooled lumps of congealed breakfast sick sloughed off him.  And he remembered the clown mask that had put him in this predicament in the first place.  

“Yeah…yeah, okay. This is definitely deserved.”


	10. *'Good sex deserves to be loud'; 'Face down, a** up, c*** inside'; 'Scream louder and I'll f*** harder' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 11 December 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/154361876454/darcywade-1-34-35).

Darcy’s cries of pleasure were muffled by the pillow.  

 _Stupid pillow._  

Wade reached down, flailing his arm as he grabbed the edge of the pillow case, yanking the offending object up and over the edge of the bed.  

“Sorry about that…” he ran his hand down her spine and back up again to grasp at her hips, hauling her closer just as he snapped his hips forward, his cock filling her and making both of them gasp loudly.  

“Jesus…FUCK, you feel good,” she moaned and pressed herself back, chasing his retreat before he thrust forward again, reveling in the sounds she made.  

“You feel pretty damn good yourself…” he ground out, unable to keep his movements slow and shallow. Fuck teasing.  Teasing wasn’t why they’d scrambled back here, out of breath and sweaty from running up the stairs.  It certainly wasn’t why she’d yanked her top off so hard that buttons flew everywhere.  

And it wasn’t why she’d crawled up on the bed like she had either.  Face down, ass up.  

Wade snapped his hips forward, increasing his speed the louder her moans got.  

 _Face down.  Ass up. Cock inside.  Just like the prompt says.  Thank you prompter.  Thank you._   


	11. 'Lust' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 8 January 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/155608158859/darcywade-lust).

Darcy wasn’t sure if she was trying to shut him up or trying to devour his tongue.  It was all running together now.  

He was still trying to talk…albeit in a very muffled tone as her hands searched for the zipper on his uniform.  

Wade broke off the kiss. “Zipper’s in the back…”  

“Likewise.” She grabbed his hand, pulling it around to her back. “Now make with the naked, Wade.”  

“Naked Wade is on the way…’


	12. 'This time it's bound to work' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 21 January 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/156178523124/darcywade-this-time-its-bound-to-work).

“You know…repeating the same action with the expectation of different results is the definition of insanity, right?” Darcy asked, holding her hand out for the guns Wade was checking. She packed them into the Hello Kitty duffel bag.  

“No, the definition of insanity, according to Overlord Google, is ‘the state of being seriously mentally ill, semi colon, MADNESS,” Wade countered, checking the last gun and handing it to Darcy, who zipped up the bag and stood back, folding her arms.  

She shook her head.  “He always bests you, Wade. I mean, he’s Logan. He’s kind of all Terminator-y and stuff.   And then you get hurt and—“  

“And I heal and I come back. Lather, rinse, repeat. For hair so healthy it shines.”  

Darcy frowned.  “Wade…”  


	13. *'First time together' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 5 February 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/156872574489/darcywade-first-time-together).

Wade Wilson was unsurprisingly, unapologetically adventurous.  And curious.  And both of those traits translated into absolutely mind-blowing sex.  

Darcy was halfway to her second orgasm before she realized just how odd of a position she was in.  He was fucking her up against his headboard.  Her arms were stretched out, tautly holding herself up, her legs were wrapped around his waist and he was pounding into like there was no tomorrow.  

“You okay?” he asked, a smile gracing his lips as she looked into his eyes.  

“Definitely…” she said with a grin,

“Good.  Because it’s about to get weird, Darce, just try and keep up with me here…”  

“Bring it.” she answered before squealing as he pulled her towards him on the bed.  


	14. *'Orally Satiated' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 6 February 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/156908941019/darcywade-orally-satiated).

Darcy ran her tongue up the length of his cock, swirling the tip over the head before she engulfed the entire thing in her mouth.  

_Fuck don’t cum yet…fuck fuck fuck fuck_

Wade reached down to stroke her hair.  To push it back from her face.  To–

“Holy mother of Cable…” he grunted, his legs quivering as she bobbed her head.  She was seriously making it hard to concentrate on not cumming yet.  It was almost like she was working against him.  

_Oh wait…_


	15. 'Babyfic' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 8 March 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/158174026169/darcywade-babyfic).

Wade leaned down, sliding his hands under the baby in the crib, pulling him up to his chest.  “Bet you’re wondering how you even exist, aren’t you, little fella?  Bet you’re wondering…Dad.  Pal.  I thought you were so messed up, you’d never procreate.  Well, let me tell you something cool, it’s called…’the Magic of Fanfiction’…”  

“Wade!” Darcy called from the other room.  “Stop breaking the fourth wall in front of the baby!”  


	16. 'Bodyswap' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 8 March 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/158212537724/darcywade-bodyswap).

She sat up, looking straight up from where they’d fallen. “Are you fucking KIDDING me, Wilson?”  Darcy coughed when she realized the voice coming out of her mouth wasn’t hers.  It was deeper.  Kind of.  And she was definitely taller.  And wearing something tight and leathery…

“Okay, no freaking out, toots, but I think…I think this might be some kind of…Freaky Friday situation…”  

She looked over to see herself on the ground beside…herself.  

“What gave you that idea?”  

Wade (in Darcy form) shrugged. “I dunno. Probably the fact that I have a vagina and very noticeable boobies. Three things I didn’t have before.  And I’m missing another very important item…”

She (in he) frowned, unsure if the expression was even visible from behind the suit.  “What’s that?”  

“My swords…”   

Darcy watched in horror-almost-admiration as the swords were yanked from their holsters and jammed up into one of the other baddie’s who’d fallen with them.  

“C’mon, you handsome devil…before another fucking fanfiction trope happens to us.”


	17. 'I Get a Kick Out of You' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 11 April 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/159477406229/darcywade-i-get-a-kick-out-of-you).
> 
> Song is 'I Get a Kick Out of You' - Frank Sinatra.

Darcy’s hand connected with the face of whoever had the audacity to sneak up behind her in a dark alley.  She rounded on her assailant, landing a kick right in the family jewels and downing him on the filthy pavement before she realized what she’d done.  

“Oh my god, Wade…”  She knelt immediately, reaching for him.  “I didn’t know it was you.”  

He shook his head.  “No, it’s good.  It’s GOOD.  I’m good…” His voice was decidedly higher than it usually was.  She’d venture to say it was almost an octave higher.  And getting higher with every ‘good’.  “Just give me a second for my balls to redescend and I’ll be right with you…”  

“I’m so sorry, I just…you told me not to take chances with people in dark alleys…I’ve been taking self defense classes, and…”  

“And you’ve discovered the crotch kick.  Excellent news.” Wade reached out to place his hand on the wall beside him.  “Wanna help me walk, sugar lips?”


	18. *'Dirty Talk; Striptease' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 7 May 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/160430020624/darcywade-31-32).

“Take it off!” Wade hollered from the bed, watching Darcy walk across the room.  She was in the middle of stripping off her t-shirt, but she paused, an idea forming.  

She slowly peeled the cotton from her body, dropping it at her feet.  She reached up to cup her breasts in her bra.  “I don’t have time to take it all off, so which do you want?  Tits or ass?”  

“Tits,” he answered quickly.  “Always.  Always tits.  Or ass.  But boobs for sure.” 

She arched her eyebrow and reached around behind her back and popping the clasp.  “I’m gonna have to get creative with my props then…”  

“You have props?  Oh holy fuck, I love you…”  Wade’s hand crept down to palm himself in his pajama pants.  


	19. 'Psychopath' for queenspuppet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queenspuppetwriting on tumblr prompted: "Not sure if I missed the cut-off for prompts but if I made it in time - "Psychopath" by St. Vincent for Darcy / Wade ( and I love smut but the song doesn't scream for it so I leave it to your discretion. )"
> 
> First time writing relatively sad Wade/Darcy. :( I left it on a positive note, though. 
> 
> Link to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfLDSUP1glY)
> 
> Originally posted on 9 April 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/142528644824/not-sure-if-i-missed-the-cut-off-for-prompts-but).

Wade watched her from the alley across from her building. Watched her drag her groceries up the stairs to her door. 

_You’re being creepy._

_-It’s not creepy if I’m protecting her._

_Cool story, Bro.  Still creepy. And kind of stupid._

_-Don’t call it stupid._

_If you want to be with her, you should just be with her._

Darcy seemed to be getting on alright.  Seemed to be doing all the things a normally functioning adult did. 

_And YOU are the resident expert on normally functioning adults?_

_-Hush, you._

And he was here, more often than not.  Watching and making sure nothing happened to threaten her status as a normally functioning adult. 

_You could be inside with her.  Helping her take those groceries inside.  Helping her put them away._

_-Didn’t I tell you to hush?_

The arguments he’d been having with himself were becoming even less and less entertaining.  It was almost to the point where he was annoying himself.  And who the FUCK needed that? 

He squared his shoulders and folded his arms.  It was better this way. 

_Ahh, the old superhero cliché.  “She’s better off without me, hur hur hur.”_

_-She is…shut up._

_“I’m only going to bring her pain, hur hur hur.”_

_-I am. Already brought it.  She was already threatened._

_“I am the night, hur hur hur.”_

_-That’s Batman._

_“I am the danger, hur hur hur.”_

_-Breaking Bad._

_“Hur hur hur.”_

_-Now you’re just being hurtful._

_“HURtful.”_

He shook his head to clear it, retreating further back into the alley when she remerged from her apartment. Darcy pocketed her keys and started walking, crossing the street and walking right by the alley he was standing in. 

She paused, turning slightly and peering in.  Her gaze locked with his.  He tugged the hood down further over his face, but he caught the flicker of recognition in her wide blue eyes.  He caught surprise, elation, and then disappointment as the gaze hardened over again.  She shook her head, pressing her lips together and continuing on in the direction she’d started in.

_Did she see us?_

_-I don’t know…possibly?_

_She saw us and kept going?_   

It took everything in his power not to run after her.

He did walk to the end of the alley, though.  Peeking his head around the corner to try and catch a glimpse of her again. 

Catch sight of her walking down the sidewalk.  She paused again, turning back and locking eyes with him once more.  He didn’t look away this time.  Call it resignation, call it sick and tired of arguing with himself.  Call it selfishness.  Loneliness.    

“Wade…” she murmured, turning and breaking into a run towards him. 

Call it whatever you want, just don’t call it stupid. 


	20. 'Tiptoe Thru the Tulips' for Upisdre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upisdre on tumblr prompted: "Deadpool x Darcy Lewis - Tiptoe Through the Tulips - Tiny Tim, no smut, please Lord no smut."
> 
> This is so fluffy it hurts. 
> 
> Link to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eQQKVKjifQ).
> 
> Originally posted on 29 March 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/141935056859/deadpool-x-darcy-lewis-tiptoe-through-the-tulips).

The loud tapping at her window woke her up.  It wouldn’t have been so unusual if she didn’t live on the sixth floor of her building.  Which she did. 

Darcy groaned and rolled out of bed.  She padded softly over to the window, peeking out the blinds, sighing when she saw who was there.  In a red and black leather suit.  On her fire escape.  She gently worked the window up. 

“Wade?” she blinked at the street light behind him.  “What are you doing here?”  

“Oh…” he took a step back.  “Is this not McDonalds?” 

“No,” she smiled, “The fifth floor walk-up should have clued you in to that…”

No matter what he did, she would always have a soft spot for Wade Wilson.  Even if it was bittersweet seeing him here literally days after he had rejected her invitation for coffee. Coffee of course being code for more than fucking coffee.  He’d stammered and backed away from her like she’d asked him to peel his skin off for her own enjoyment or something.     

Wade looked down between his feet, through the grating to the ground far below.  “Oh…”  He looked back up at her, stepping a little closer to her window, “Well, while I’m here…how’ve you been, Darcy?” 

“It’s 3 am…” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes.  As much as she wanted to see him, he was cutting into her beauty sleep. 

“Is it?” he pulled up his sleeve, peering at his watch.  “Oh.  Ha.  Silly me.  I had it set to 3 pm.” 

She frowned, looking around, “In what universe does this look like 3 pm?  Is your internal clock off?  When Jane’s is off, she starts like…hallucinating…”   

He shrugged.  “It’s 3 pm somewhere, Little Pink Rhinoceros.” 

“Do you want to come in?”  She gestured over her shoulder, into her bedroom.  Where her bed was.  “I mean…we can go in the living room…”

He shifted on his feet uncomfortably, “Eh…I’ve got a thing…can’t stay long…things to do…people to kill…” 

“What?” she asked, not sure she heard him right.   

“What?” he echoed.   

“What was that last thing?” 

“Pizza?” 

“There is no way you said—“ 

“That…is what I going to ask you about.  What do you, Darcy Lewis, think of olive and pineapple pizza?” 

“Uhhh…” she mulled over the random question, “I think it’s the best of both worlds…both salty and sweet?”  She shrugged, “I guess…”    

He reached for her, brushing his gloved hand along her cheek, “Where have you been all my life, you delicate creature?” 

She inhaled sharply when he touched her, a pleasant shiver rolling up her spine. She tried to play it off like a breathy laugh and probably failing miserably. God, she wanted him bad. “New Mexico…”  She took a small step away from him, “And I think we’ve had this conversation before.  And it ended badly.  With me feeling rejected and you running off to…do your merc stuff.”  She wrapped her arms around her middle. 

He let his arm fall, looking visibly deflated. As deflated as someone could look while wearing a head to toe leather ninja outfit. 

He bent and stuck his head in the window.  “But, I changed my mind, though.  That’s allowed, right? You didn’t say no take backsies.” 

“Well…if I allow take backsies, then you can just take back your take back and I’m back where I started.” 

“But I could take back my take back of my take back and then you’d be good again, right?” 

She shook her head, “Wha—Wha—Why are you here?  Just…it’s three in the morning, what do you WANT, Wade?” 

He reached for her again, tugging her down to his level, her mouth pressing against the leather of his mask.  She could feel his lips moving behind it.  “You forgot to pull up your mask…” she muttered, muffled against his mask. 

“Yes.  Yes, I did…”  he pulled back.  “Damn, that was gonna be romantic as hell…”  He groaned and pulled away from her, back outside.  “Now I have to start over…look, just go back to sleep and I’ll be back in an hour—whoa—“ 

She reached for him this time, pulling him close and pulling up his mask to reveal his mouth. She pressed her lips against his, moving against them and popping slightly upon release.  “There…” she grinned.  “Still romantic as hell, Mr. Wilson.” 

He returned the grin before leaning back in, “Pretty sure that was all you, but also pretty sure I don’t care…” his lips met hers again.  And again.  And again. 

“Are you pretty sure you don’t wanna come in?” she asked, running her tongue over his lips lightly.  “I mean, maybe you could put your thing off…” 

“I don’t have a thing…” he murmured.  “I mean…I have a THING, but not a thing…that came out totally wrong…um…” 

“Do you wanna come in?” she asked, pulling him in through her open window.    

“Yeah.  Yeah, I kinda really do…”   


	21. 'Centerfold' for anon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 26 March 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/141734661369/if-youre-still-taking-song-prompts-centerfold).
> 
> Tumblr anon requested: "If you're still taking song prompts, centerfold, j. Geils band, darcy/wade. Smut if you want."
> 
> No smut, nonny. Sorry. ;) I will say, this neighbor of Wade’s is based on a neighbor the hubs and I had. Who actually did howl like a dog every morning. It was hella annoying.
> 
> Link to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqDjMZKf-wg)

“So that’s the fucking problem I have, Lukey Lukey Skywalker.  Can I call you that?” Wade waved his gun in a vague circle, as the poor idiot who happened to live next door to him shivered and shook in his recliner.

His name wasn’t even Luke.  It was Dylan something.  But that wasn’t the point. 

_-How did you get to Luke?_

_Dylan.  Dylan McKay.  90210.  Luke Perry.  Luke.  Luke Skywalker._

 Dylan-Luke-Perry-Skywalker nodded rapidly. Because Wade was the one with the gun.  He could rename him Shitstain McDonald hyphen Thomas if he wanted.   

“Lukey, that’s the fucking problem here.  You aren’t fucking around with an amateur…I do this for a living.” 

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

“And I don’t know if you KNEW you lived next door to a professional assassin…but you do.” 

His phone buzzed again. 

“But…hold on.” It might be important. 

He held the gun on the guy, pulling his phone out of his pocket, swiping to see the message.  From Darcy…

_Aw…babe…I miss you too but—Holy…fucking…gorgeous set of—_

“Boobs…”  Wade blurted aloud. 

Lukey Lukey Shitstain frowned in confusion. 

“Boobs…boobs.  Who doesn’t like boobs?” Wade coughed and pocketed the phone.  Somewhat difficult in leather pants that were now uncomfortably stiff.  Tight.   TIGHT. Not stiff.  Nothing was stiff. 

Yeah, something was stiff. 

_Sue me.  She has excellent boobs and I love boobs.  Fucking sue me.  My girlfriend is awesome.  Nudes. I love Darcy.  She sends me nudes._

_-Focus.  You can look at them all you want later.  Deal with this first, Wade._

“Uh…” Lukey was shifting uncomfortably in his chair. 

“Shut your fucking dog up.  I don’t need to hear that shit howling at six am every day…”  Wade pressed the gun up to his neighbor’s face.  “I need my beauty sleep.  If you’d seen my face, you’d know why.” 

And then Dylan Skywalker started blubbering like an idiot.  Crying and begging him not to shoot.  “I  don’t….I don’t…I don’t HAVE a dog…” he exclaimed. 

“That’s bullshit.  I’ve heard it.  On your—“ 

His phone buzzed again. 

_No…_

And again. 

_She’s taking off more stuff.  I know it.  I have to see it._

_-You already know what it looks like…you’ve seen every part of her before!_

_No…no…not like this…_

“On your porch,” he coughed, “I’m hard—I mean…I HEARD it.” 

_What if she takes off her panties?  God…I have to look._

“Hold on…again…” he pulled out his phone, sliding to view the message and squeaking when he saw it. 

Dangling her panties off her foot, leg up over the arm of the leather chair in her living room. 

_Oh god..._

“I don’t have a dog…It’s me.  I’m the one howling.” 

“Wait…WAIT…” Wade pocketed the phone again.  “Dylan…can I call you Dylan?” 

“It’s my name…” 

“Right. Okay, Mark…Are you a werewolf?  Because…I will fucking PUT YOU DOWN…I have silver bullets, man…Silver.  Bullets.”

_-Mark?_

_Luke Skywalker.  Mark Hamill.  If I have to keep explaining my train of thought to you, this is going to be a boring fanfiction._

“No…NO…no…I’m just…I howl because I can…” 

“No.  Mark.  No.  You fap furiously because you can.  You howl because you want to ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR NEIGHBORS.” 

His phone buzzed again. 

“Okay.  So my girlfriend is dtf right now…that’s down to fuck, for the layman.  She’s been sending me hella nudes this whole time.  Do I need to put a bullet in your body somewhere or can we come to a quick understanding?” 

The man in the recliner shook his head rapidly.

“No more howling? Find another way to express yourself.  Punching bag.  Angry masturbation.  Take a sculpting class?” 

He nodded just as rapidly. 

“Okay.  I notice that I kicked your door down.  Do you want me to prop it up?  Leave it here? Prop it?  Leave it?  Prop it?”  he gestured to the door on the floor. 

He nodded again. 

“Prop it?”  He picked it up, propping it against the wall.  “Kay.  Well.  Have a…good night.  Dylan.  Have a HOWLING good night.  Ha ha…just kidding.  Don’t ever howl again.” 

He was about to leave when he stopped in the doorway.  “Hey Mark.  Question.  If your girlfriend…” he stopped to laugh, “Sorry.  If your hypothetical girlfriend sent you a series of nudes…what’s the texting protocol for that?  Dick pic?  Does this warrant a dick pic?” 

A shrug was the only response he got. 

“Dick pic warranted…got it.” 

“You’re going to leave my home before you do that, right?” 

Wade sighed, “No, American Werewolf in Shitsville.  I’m going to whip it out here.  Do you wanna throw up a peace sign in the background?  Maybe YOU could take the picture so the lightings just right? Fuck you.”    


	22. 'We've Got It Goin' On' for anon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 9 July 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/147153400614/weve-got-it-going-on-backstreet-boys-wadedarcy).
> 
> I was kind of scratching my head for this one. Because other than this being a song that both of them would have on a playlist somewhere, I didn't know what to write for this. I mean, the song's basically an advertisement for BSB. 
> 
> So, I went with Darcy answering an ad for Wade's merc services. And I made it as cheesy and as Deadpool-y as I possibly could. With both of them breaking the fourth wall and completely dissing me (the writer) as much as possible. :P 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Link to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHBXPoJhnHQ), "We've Got It Goin' On", BSB, 1996
> 
> For Anon.

“So let me get this straight, Toots…” Wade began, cutting Cute Girl off mid-sentence. “You read my ad in the paper…tracked me down…and now you want me to find Thor.”

She raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips together in frustration. “Uh…yeah? I fail to see how this is difficult to understand. And it’s not ‘Toots’,” (finger quotes). “It’s Darcy. I’ve said my name a couple of times now, Wade.”

Wade chuckled, shaking his head. “You want me to find the fucking God. Of. Thunder.” It was more a statement of fact than anything else.

Like, Wade didn’t know why he was thinking that. HE knew it was a statement of fact. It was almost like a narrative was forming in his head and there was nothing he could do about it.

Or something.

“Yes…” Darcy said, letting her arms flop down to her sides. “Look, we’ve tried all the science-y ways to find him and for once, Science has failed us. And we kinda need him. PRETTY BAD. The fate of Earth hangs in the balance. There’s a completely generic comic-verse alien invasion happening. So, like…can you help? Your ad said no job too small.”

That ad had been getting him into some weird predicaments lately. He was thinking about pulling it.

_Like that. Why the fuck would I EVER think something like that. It’s just…a given. Not a fully formed thought!_

“Listen. You might have misread my ad. Because…I’m a merc. As in mercenary. As in contract killer. So unless you want Thunder Thighs dead? I’m not your man. And even if you DID want him dead? There’s a pretty good chance that I’m STILL not your man. What you want, is a P.I. Did you try Jessica Jones?”

Darcy took a deep breath, letting out in a huff, screwing up her face into this cute little scowl that made him want to ‘awww’ and pat her on the head. “I CAN’T use Jessica Jones. She’s not a part of this franchise! Plus, I’m pretty sure this prompt is for you and me, Cowboy…so you have to help me. And we’ll probably end up kissing at the end of it. Because that’s how these things usually go.”

He snorted. “No one would want to kiss me. And this isn’t…it’s not a case I’m going to take. How do I even know you have the money to—”

* * *

 

_Several relationship building scenarios and bad jokes later…_

Wade pulled up his mask and leaned down to kiss her. Darcy made the best sound ever. Something between a whimper and a squeak. It was pretty awesome.

He pulled back, a smirk on his face. “Wow. I can’t believe I actually found Thor. And inadvertently saved the world. And got the girl. AND made money. And even if this kiss is a major cop-out on the author’s part, it’s STILL hot as hell.”

Darcy grinned, “I know right? Now get back down here…”

“Yes, Ma’am…”


	23. 'What is Love?" for anon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is 'What is Love' by Haddaway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Can I buy you a drink, Pretty Lady?" 

Darcy frowned and turned towards the slightly muffled voice.  Wade had on his mask.  Full red and leather ensemble actually.  "You know you owe me like fifty drinks, right?" 

He waved his hand flippantly.  "Who keeps track of that kind of thing?" 

"A broke ass former college student, that's who..." she nodded once.  "I have no money for frivolous things like drinks." 

"Weasel.”  Wade smacked the bar before waving his hand in a regal way. “Get her whatever she wants, on me..." 

The bartender put down the glass he was drying.  "So like...whatever she wants and throw it ON you?  Because that's what I heard..." 

Darcy snickered.  "In that case, make it big, make it pink, make it sticky." 

"Ahh...sounds like my last eHarmony date..." Wade sighed and hopped up on the stool beside Darcy. 

"Lucky you..." she said flatly, "I'll take my usual, Weasel."

"One Vodka Collins..." he muttered under his breath.  "And you'd better settle this time, Wade." 

"Shhh..."  Wade put his finger to where his lips would be if he wasn't wearing the mask.  "How can you think of money at a time like this?  Darcy is OBVIOUSLY in need of wingmen."  He shook his head in disgust.  "And I thought  _I_  was the merc here..." 

"You're gonna wingman for me...HERE?"  Darcy gestured around the room.  "No offense, but I'm not usually in the market for the dudes that frequent this lovely establishment...no offense, Weasel." 

He shrugged, "None taken.  I wouldn't frequent here if I didn't own it."

Wade snorted.  "Look.  Logan's here.  I could give him your number..."  He gestured in the direction of the beefy mutant at the other end of the bar.  "I bet he'd be up for a one-nighter...hey LOGAN!" 

Darcy quickly shushed him, shaking her head in what she hoped was an indiscriminate way.  "I don't want to get stabbed.  Logan is stabby.  And he's not my type." 

Wade shrugged.  "Okay..."  He shook his head, miming 'cut' in Logan's direction.  Logan hadn't even moved, so Darcy didn't think he'd noticed that Wade was talking to him.  

"What IS your type, Lewis?" he asked.  "Because, to be honest...I've only met Ian.  And Ian...no offense.  Kind of spindly nerd.  OH HEY!  Peter Parker!  He's a spindly nerd." 

"He's also fifteen.  And he has a girlfriend."  Darcy rolled her eyes.  "I don't really have a type.  I just.  I know what I like." 

"Which is..." 

"Tall...funny...sarcastic...master assassins...who wear red and black." 

"So...Natasha Romanov?" 

Darcy snorted.  "She is neither funny nor tall.  Also, you know.  I admire katana skills.  And if they can't fucking shut up?  Even better." 

"Right, so tall, funny, sarcastic master assassin, who wears red and black, wields katanas and never shuts up..." he trailed off at the end, turning to look at Darcy.  "Wait a minute..." 

"He'll get there eventually, Darce." Weasel slapped Wade on the shoulder and took her half empty glass from her.   

"But am I tall?" Wade wondered aloud. 

"Yes.  You're almost a foot taller than I am..." Darcy said.  The exasperation was apparent in her tone. 

"OMGeez, that's right...I'm 6'2'' according to that google search I did for 'Ryan Reynolds' height' earlier..."

"I'm going to change my mind if you're not following me out of this bar in five seconds..." 


	24. 'Banana Pancakes' for anon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 17 February 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/139516659389/banana-pancakes-jack-johnson-darcywade).

“Will you come back to bed?” Darcy called from the bedroom.  

“Just a minute…” Wade called over his shoulder.  

So, heart-shaped pancakes weren’t exactly as easy as he’d thought they would be when he had this idea last night.  

_-You should have gotten something to shape them with.  A cookie cutter or something._

_Where were YOU twenty minutes ago?_

_-Here.  Telling you to get a cookie cutter._

“Fuuuucccckkk…” he swore as he flipped yet another lopsided pancaked onto the plate.  They looked more like wobbly ass cheeks than hearts.

Maybe if he kept the lights off, she wouldn’t notice that they weren’t exactly heart-shaped.  

_-You think the lighting is what’s wrong with this?  You are literally serving your girlfriend a plateful of asses._

_They’ll still taste good._

_-The asses?_

_Yes.  The asses will taste delicious with maple syrup._

He took the plate and the syrup, almost forgetting the fork.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” he chirped as he reentered the room.  She was still naked, covering up with the flannel sheet set he’d recently purchased.  Because apparently a bare mattress and a sleeping bag weren’t on the list of things she wanted to fuck him on.   It didn’t bother him really, though.  Because her lacy underwear and pale skin looked amazing laid out on red flannel. Even if it DID feel a little like sleeping on Wolverine’s chest.  Not that HE knew what that was like.  

_-You don’t._

_Shut up.  They don’t know that._

“Aww…you made me…erotic pancakes?” she speared one that looked strangely phallic.  He’d missed that one on the plate full of asses.  

“Well, they were supposed to be hearts, but if this does it for you…”  

She made a grab for the syrup and scooted closer to him.  “Feed me.”

He did.  Between the two of them, they finished off the plate in a few minutes.  He scooped up the last bite, offering it to her and dripping syrup onto her knee in the process.  “Oops, let me get that…” he leaned down and licked it off, pressing a kiss to her skin before sitting up again.    

Just in time to catch her dousing the front of her chest with a stream of syrup.  “Oops…” she bit her lip and looked down at her chest, arching an eyebrow.  “Wanna get that?”  

_Please don’t stop it here, Author-Lady.  I will literally do anything.  C’mon, please?  I’m a Canadian.  And there is a hot naked woman asking me to lick maple syrup off her chest.  Please, have mercy…_

_A/N:  Wade, this isn’t a smut prompt.  Sorry…just use your imagination._

_*indeterminate sound of anguish*_

 


	25. *'Orally Satiated; Part 2' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 15 July 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/163017851523/orally-satiated).

“Oh  _fuck_  me…”  Darcy whimpered. Her hand was on the back of Wade’s head as he proved to her just  _exactly_  why they called him the merc with a mouth.  

His response was muffled, but she could gather the nature of it. Especially given the salacious look he shot up at her from his position between her thighs.  

“Can’t shut your mouth for a minute, can you?” she murmured, smirking slightly.  

“Nuh-uh…” he shook his head and proceeded to flutter his tongue against her clit.  

And she didn’t really catch the rest of what he said, because she was too busy curling her toes into the mattress.  


	26. 'Stuck in the Elevator; Part 2' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 9 July 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/162806588599/stuck-in-an-elevator).

Wade could interest her in a  _lot_  more than a sarcastic comment, if she was being honest.  And Darcy had half a mind to tell him so.  

Except there was that pesky little thing called anxiety.  

“Hey listen…something tells me this is going to get fixed soon…” Wade said in a loud whisper from where he was leaning over on the opposite side of the elevator.  “So if you were gonna make a move or something, now would be the time.”  

Darcy swallowed her nerves and went for it.  She closed the distance between them and reached for his mask, pulling it up to expose his mouth as she slotted her lips over his.  

There was a short, muffled sound of surprise coming from Wade, so she broke off the kiss so she could hear him.  “What?” she asked, her voice a little croaky just from kissing him.  

“I said…’Not that I’m complaining in the slightest, but I didn’t think you’d take me seriously…”  

She arched an eyebrow.  “That cannot be what you said…”  

“It wasn’t, but I thought it sounded better than ‘ _UnHhH…_ ’,” he said with a slight shrug.


	27. 'Fajitas; Part 2' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 8 July 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/163017851523/orally-satiated).

Wade snorted in disdain.  “Shut your mouth, Darcy.  Fajitas are not just fancy tacos.  Fajitas have seared chicken…or steak…and peppers…and onions.”  

“In a flour tortilla, that you fill up and fold in half.  Fancy.  TACOS,” she said with a smirk.  

“Tacos you eat on the go, you couldn’t do that with fajitas, unless you wanted to like…burn the shit outta your hand.  Which if that’s what you want, FINE.  Be my guest.  Burn the shit outta your hand lugging the little sizzling skillet around.”  

“Nah, I’ll just make you carry it.  You have gloves.”  

“My gloves aren’t heat resistant!” he said, his voice getting ever higher pitched and whiny.  He glanced up at the sky.  “Excuse me.  My voice is NOT high pitched and whiny.”  

Darcy frowned.  “Yes it is, and who are you talking to?”  


	28. 'Met in a corn maze au' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 6 August 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/163891304104/all-hail-the-corn-god).

Darcy was lost.  

She was hopelessly lost.  And all of this stupid corn looked the same.  

She stopped, turning around and looking up at the sky, as if that was going to suddenly tell her which way to go.  She was half-tempted to just run straight through the corn.  But that was probably frowned upon.  

There was a rustling to her left and she turned to come face to face with a guy who was apparently trying out her idea and failing miserably.  

He blinked.  “So.  Operation run straight through the fucking corn to freedom was a dismal failure.”  

She laughed.  “Better you try it than me, I was thinking about it.”  

He turned around once.  “I know I’ve been here before, that stalk looks familiar.”  

“Maybe two heads are better than one?” she offered.  “I’m Darcy. Formerly from Culver University, currently corn goddess.”  

He smiled.  “Wade.  Former bartender.  Currently mad that you thought of the corn goddess thing before me.”  

“Find us a way out and you can be the corn god.”  


	29. 'Toasted Marshmallows' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 14 September 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/165354994239/marshmallow-me).

“Feed me…” he lay down across her lap and opened his mouth.  

“This is incredibly messy,” Darcy said, jamming a marshmallow on her stick.  “And not to mention hot.”  

“Damn right, it’s messy and hot.  Marshmallow me, babe.”  Wade opened his mouth again.   


	30. 'Toasted Marshmallows ii' for holieshka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 17 September 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/165462590484/its-a-good-bad-joke).

“I’m stuck between feeding you more marshmallows and attempting to make a bad s'mores joke…”  

Darcy jutted her thumb over her shoulder.  "You do it and you have to put a quarter in the bad joke jar.“  

"I know… that’s why I’m stuck. It’s a really  _good_  bad joke, Darce.”  

“I actually wanted to get the marshmallows INTO the s'mores at some point…” Darcy said, opening her mouth nonetheless.  

Her boyfriend was hand feeding her roasted marshmallows.  She was definitely going to eat them.  

Wade held out another one and she opened her mouth.  This one was particularly melty and she had to practically suck it off his fingers.  

“Yeah, can we rain check the rest of the s'mores, babe?”  Wade leaned down to kiss her lips, his tongue sweeping into her mouth.  He hummed and deepened the kiss.  "Not that I don’t like s'mores, but this is fucking hot…"

“Well, I mean, they are fire-roasted,” she said with a wink.  

“Okay, that’s it.   _You_  go put another quarter in the bad joke jar.”  Wade pointed over his shoulder.     


	31. 'Bed sharing' for georgiagirlagain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 20 December 2017 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/168772302379/you-forgot-your-sleeping-bag-but-i-have-mine).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You forgot your sleeping bag, but I have mine. Surely we can figure this out.

“I’ll flip you for it,” Darcy said.  

“You’ll flip me?  I’m not sure you have the upper body strength, but okay.  Give it a shot.”  Wade folded his arms and waited.  

Rolling her eyes, she pulled a coin out of her pocket.  “Heads it’s mine, Tails it’s yours.”  

“Why do I get Tails?”  

“Do you want heads?”  

“No.  But I’d like to be able to choose for myself next time.”  

She flipped the coin up in the air and they both stared at it as it spun in a circle and stuck in a crack in the floor.  Irretrievable without tweezers.  And completely perpendicular.  

Wade smirked.  “So do you want zipped up side or the flap?”  

She sighed.  “The flap.”  

 


	32. 'Quick, hide behind the sofa!' for georgiagirlagain

“Quick, hide behind the sofa!”

Darcy knew enough about Wade Wilson to know that when he said ‘hide behind the sofa’, you throw your ass back there.  It doesn’t matter if you’re dressed to the nines, in the middle of sex, or in her case, carrying a homemade lemon meringue pie.  

A homemade lemon meringue pie that she was now wearing while dodging gunfire.  

“Is that lemon?” Wade asked. “Holy fuck, I’m gonna eat you after this. Promise. This author lady owes me one.”  

“What?” she asked, peeling the pie plate off her boobs and sighing at the mess. “Never mind.  I have meringue on my cashmere.”

She knew enough about Wade Wilson not to question his bizarre fourth wall breaks either.  

 


	33. 'Bed sharing' for georgiagirlagain

Darcy kicked off the blankets, sighing heavily and staring up at the ceiling.

“Hey… Kicky.  Could you stop?” Wade asked from his side of the too-small bed.  Like seriously.  This bed was comically small.

“I dunno, can I turn on the A/C?” she countered.

“Knock yourself out,” he deadpanned. “But in a surprising turn of events, there is no A/C. Just you and me and this toddler bed we’re supposed to be sharing.”

Okay, it wasn’t as small as a toddler bed.  But their legs kept brushing against each other.

So like… it might as well be.

Darcy rolled over again to face him. “I hate this bed.”

“It hates you too, Princess.”

 


End file.
